Are we in a gay sports bar?
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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