Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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