First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
