just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
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