He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
