I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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