Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
