You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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