does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
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