just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize