I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
