Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
