Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize