I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
