When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
