Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
