I'm sorry my penis didn't work
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
