Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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