My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
