I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
you made out with another girl for some wings
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
