just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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