I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
so much tequila, so little girl.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
