I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
