CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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