i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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