the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
