Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize