She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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