Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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