well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
