dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
