in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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