I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
