I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
