I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
