I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
