I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
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