If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
