I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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