the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
