Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Randomize