How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
