You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
