WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
