My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
