piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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