My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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