If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
