He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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