just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
