You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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