I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Randomize
