sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
