I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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