Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
