No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
