i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
