There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
3pm strippers are depressing
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
