you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
