We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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