hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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