The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
