dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
