I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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