i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
