I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize