at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
