im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
