Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
3pm strippers are depressing
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
