Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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