I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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