You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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