So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
