just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Im part way to drunk.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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