I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize