he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
