But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
