The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize