It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
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