Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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