he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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