Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
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