i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
