He disabled his match.com account in front of me
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
