i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
You ate ashes out of my bong
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
