i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Four minutes until I can fart!
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
