im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
