wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
