I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize