I just saw a hot homeless man
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
You can't just leave with hair like that
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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